work. the everyman's burden

allright. ive come to realize my biggest struggle as of late is schoolwork. i just have not been able to lose focus. what i meant to say is, i cant focus at all. oops. skip.
yo.
allright. im gonna post some stuff i said earlier cause it very much expresses the things ive learned today. here:
its going right now actually and its amazing (referring to schoolwork). music is blasting in my ears and by golly i dunno...i just work better at these hours. ive realized when the whole world has decided to calm down and leave me alone. im more inclined to work. its as if god is no longer looking over my shoulder.

its uncomfortable working and working when everyone around you is doing the same. its like "what are we all rushing to?"

hm OH i expected my font to still be red and i was ready to explain why it was red but i guess i dont need to well hell now my plan is shot to shit let me re group.....3...2.....1......OK

i have found my groove. Stella style.
now naturally i do not Want to be up to the wee hours working. but i discovered the other ingredients that will add up to a close imposter of a setting.
1. music, Headphones a must!!
2. a private locale! be it my kitchen, or the library. remove myself from my comfy settings.
3. a basic outline/idea of what must get done. i cant just think "do work"
4. appreciate that it will take some time to get the work done
5. focus on the long term


right around MSTRKRFT remix. ill. i want to rage and munch. ya'll know what i mean wink wink.

anyway.
found some awesome tunes today. the hype machine is a great website.
this cast/broken thumb is awful. ive never been more motivated to DO stuff.
talk is cheap. seriously.
lets all go for a hike or a run or play ball instead of sitting and chatting.
chatting gives the illusion of doing.
forget it.
lets walk the bridge and chat. or just walk the bridge in a respectful silence.
see you on the other side.
you all can keep talking.
ive been a talker. a jibber jabberer. a blabbermouth. and i dont want to be. i did it just to fit in. just to be one of the buddies. one of the cool dudes. talk isnt my thing. activites are.
while the thumb heals, school is gonna be my thing.
if you all wanna meet up to study. lets do it.
but im tired of just chilling. its been 21 years of that.
i got my goals, the tasks i gotta complete to achieve those and i dont have time for mindless time wasting.
goals and a girl are all i need.
no offense to you all but...im thinking long term now. i love you all and we will always be friends. i gotta focus on other shit for the time being.
PEACE AND LOVE MY FRIENDS
for the millionth time
YES REESES FOR BREAKFAST

call it.
time of death.
2:04 AM.

the illusion of cages

I was walking towards my house after just disembarking from the lovely 38 limited bus. I approached the corner of Post and Filmore when I was halted by a red light. The sun was shining, birds were jibber jabbering in Tweet, and there was not a car to be seen for what could have been 1000 miles. I held firm and did not cross the empty street, knowing i must wait for the green light, so says mommy and the law. and it hit me, Why the Hell is this red circle that is suspended ten feet in the air dictating what i can do? Why do i go into paralysis at the site of a red dot when my better judgement and natural Do This Now instincts scream to act? It hit me, yes i was hit twice, didnt think to block, im a slow learner...anyway...there is an Illusion of Cages. We all trap ourselves within them. But unlike a Mime, we dont know it is there, we do not joyously pretend to feel the edges of the cage and make frowney faces to express our dismay over being stuck, nope, we blindly sit within them. The funny thing? We can step right out. So you know what? i did. Do you really want to know? I CROSSED THAT MOTHA FUCKING STREET AND YES ON A RED LIGHT. bold? not at all, thats hardly exciting. but its a meataphor, oops, a metaphor even! for all other mental/social/political/insert other adjecetive verb noun whatever blocks we place upon ourselves. make a choice for Yourself. live for your own good. you feel something, act upon it. you want to get that job at Sony? march your ass in there and kick someone in the face as you ask "wheres the CEO i got a resume for him, or her! women in the workplace *thumbs up*." you want to dance in the street? toss that back pack aside and drop and give me a six step to airbaby. you want to cross the street on a redlight. DO IT. hell want to kill a man? DO IT. there are truly no limits to what we humans can do. forget the concepts and ideas we have held onto for so long in regards to what is "right." it is all right. allright? allright.

i have more to say. i have more to detail. this was a small moment of my day of about 8 days ago.

ill give run downs of my life through this thing. it gives me a chance to hone free writing skills. and ive always wanted to keep a journal, ever since Doug, what a pansy that doug, no? "dear journal, i still like patty, i still where underwear over my shorts in my fantasies, my best friend is the color blue" to each their own right? Right! i see youve learned the lesson of the day. gold star.

end, the.